


Aren't I The One?

by EzzyDean



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 15:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyDean/pseuds/EzzyDean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sousuke appears in Rin's life again Makoto realizes just how frustrating jealousy can be.  Especially when you can't quite understand what's happening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rin-chan?

It was disgustingly cute and it was the sort of thing you would do with your boyfriend.  Not with your best friend when your boyfriend is sitting a foot away.  All of the stupid stuff they did together like that was overly familiar and so domestic.  He didn’t care how long those two had been friends.  He didn’t care that it was just second nature to them by now.  It didn’t matter how many times Makoto told him that there was nothing romantic in his actions towards Haru.  It didn’t matter how many times Makoto told him he was overreacting.  What mattered to him was the flare of heat in his stomach when Makoto held out half his ice cream to Haru with a smile.  The way his hands fisted when Makoto and Haru sat in the backyard and watched the sunset.  The way his whole body wanted to start shaking when Makoto gave Haru that smile.  

When Makoto flashed that indulgent smile and held out his hand to pull Haru from the pool Rin felt a pulse of indignation flare up.  Pushing himself out of the pool he marched to the locker room, ignoring any look or response from the other two.  Just who had Mako been going out with this last year anyway?

He would have liked to say he didn’t shove the doors to the locker room open and he didn’t slam the locker he had stashed his stuff in shut.  But he couldn’t.  It was all just too much.  Every time he turned around it seemed Mako was doting on Haru in that weird overly protective way he had.  He slammed his fist into the wall and winced when he caught the edge of one of the lockers.  What did he have to do to get Mako to give him that kind of attention?  Mako’s gentle laugh filtered in through the doors to the pool and Rin slipped his jacket on, planning on leaving them both behind.  They probably wouldn’t notice anyway.

“Rin-chan is that you?”

“Nagisa how many times have I told you,” he had spun around and snapped before his brain registered that the voice hadn’t been the blonde’s, “you’re not Nagisa.”

“That wasn’t my name the last time I checked.”  The face was familiar, but it was buried deep in his mind.  He hadn’t seen it since they were kids.  “So you’re still called Rin-chan.  Some things never change I guess.”  It was the laugh that made everything click into place.  The laugh and the large hands that the man ran through his hair as Rin studied him.

“Sousuke?”  The smile he got when he sputtered out the name cemented it.  It was definitely him.

“You do remember me!”  His voice was deeper, naturally, and his hair was longer.  But his face hadn’t changed too much and when he dropped his arm over Rin's shoulder he was glad to notice that the feeling of friendship hadn’t changed either, despite all the years it had been.  “I’m so glad Rin-chan remembered me.”

“Cut out that Rin-chan crap.”  He shoved half-heartedly at Sousuke’s shoulder and rolled his eyes.

“You made it back from Australia.”

“No I was eaten by a shark and this is just my ghost coming back to haunt you.”  There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other and then the locker room was filled with laughter.  It was the kind of silly and overly loud laughter that only occurred in the early morning hours or when you were around good friends for the first time in years, and it felt good.  By the time Makoto pushed the doors open, with Haru trailing just behind him, Sousuke and Rin were sitting on the floor with their backs against one of the benches, red faced and breathless from laughing so hard.

“Rin?”  Makoto’s voice was full of concern and that just made Rin start laughing again.  Of course the first time Mako seems concerned for him in months is when he’s just met up with an old friend.  Glancing at Haru who was going about his post pool routine Rin couldn’t help but feel a twinge of irony.

“Mako.  Haru.  This is Sousuke, he was my friend from Sano when we were kids.  Sousuke meet Makoto and Haruka.”  Nodding and handshaking occurred and Rin had to keep from rolling his eyes when Makoto made a point to stand a little closer to Rin than necessary as he changed and grabbed his stuff before nudging Rin’s shoulder.

“Were we still going out after this?”  

Rin glanced from Haru to Mako and then over to Sousuke.  “You wanna join us?”

“I’m not gonna interrupt anything am I?  You don’t have anyone else to be haunting right now?”

“Haunting?”  Makoto muttered as he watched Rin throw an arm over Sousuke’s shoulder and lead him out of the locker room with a laugh.

 

It had been three days since their run in at the pool and Rin got a text asking if he wanted to hang out.  Make up for lost time and all that, Sousuke had said when Rin questioned his reasons.  Makoto wouldn’t be home from work for a few more hours and Rin had already finished everything he had planned for the day.  So he found himself sitting across from his old swim club teammate in a coffee shop near the gym.

“So they’re not going out?  Seriously?”  He had mentioned that he felt kind of weird intruding on Mako and Haru’s date like that and Rin had nearly choked on the sip of coffee he had just taken.  Finally somebody else saw what he saw when he looked at them.

“No.  Actually Mako is, uh.”  His voice dropped as he studied Sousuke, wondering how he’d take the news.  Most people didn’t care that Rin was going out with another guy.  But there had been a few uncomfortable silences when he mentioned it and that was enough to make him hesitate.

“I’ll have one of those slices of cake.”  Sousuke turned his attention back to Rin as the waitress left.  “Makoto is what?”  Rin muttered under his breath and turned red.  “Come again?”

“My boyfriend.”  He could feel his friend’s gaze on him but couldn’t meet it.  Why was it so awkward bringing this up?  

Probably because he was such an important friend when they were younger.  They were almost like family at one point and he didn’t want to disappoint him; although he wasn’t sure why his sexual preference would disappoint Sousuke.  So wrapped up in his own thoughts his almost missed his next words.

“I never would have pictured him as your type.”

“I have a type?”  The waitress’s soft giggle caused him to blush and he waited until she left to lean forward a little and continue.  “Wait.  You pictured my type?”  Sousuke took a couple bites of his slice of cake and tilted his head to the side.

“Well we were friends, you know.  I did think about you once in a while.  Wondered what you were doing.  When we could race again.  If you had gotten any taller or got a girlfriend.  You’re such a romantic I figured you’d have them falling at your feet.”  His words reminded Rin that he had gone through a lot since the last time Sousuke had seen him.  He sipped his coffee and thought about everything that had happened.  How could he even start explaining it?  Did he even want to bother trying to?  He didn’t even know why Sousuke was here or how long he was going to be around.

“I’m not that much of a romantic.”  He frowned at his coffee cup.  “How long you planning on hanging around here?”  At his friend’s raised eyebrow he hurried to continue, dropping his gaze back to his coffee.  “How I’ve been doing could take a while to explain.”  The plate with the rest of the cake slice on it clinked into his coffee cup and after a moment he glanced up.

“I don’t feel like finishing it.  You eat it and then we can go back to my place and you can start sharing your life’s story if you want.”  There was that smile again.  That one that took him back to his days at Sano and reminded him of the magic of being a kid.  He took the plate with a sigh and nodded his head.  Maybe it would be good to get a complete outsider’s opinion on everything.  Maybe he could give some input on his relationship with Mako and his jealousy of Haru.  He never saw the green eyes studying him from the front window or the way they narrowed as he started eating the slice of cake.


	2. Drenched Kitten

They had managed to get together at least once or twice a week since Sousuke had come back and that made him happy.  He was finally at a place in his life where he was okay with friends and that was a relief.  If the guys from Iwatobi and Samezuka were still willing to be his friends after all the crap he had put them through and if someone like Sousuke could still be his friend after knowing all the shit he had done then he would really be okay.  Well, Sousuke had opted to give him a few choice words about the stupid shit he had put his friends through.  But he also understood that Rin had been hurting and sucked at coping with things.

Now if only the weather would calm down he could be having a really great year.  He stood in the doorway of Sousuke’s apartment and stared bleakly at the rain pouring down.  There hadn’t been a mention of rain at all until tomorrow afternoon so they had decided to go for a jog.  It had naturally turned into a race against each other and then the weather as the afternoon turned cloudy.

“I’m pretty sure mother nature won this one.”  Sousuke said as he unlocked the door.  Rin pulled off his wet shoes and socks with a grimace.

“Ugh I hate wet clothes.  They feel all slimy and cold.”  Sousuke chuckled and tossed him a towel.

“Go ahead and dry off.  I’ll find some clothes that you can wear til yours dry.  Wanna watch a movie or something?”  Rin was more than content to relax the afternoon away in Sousuke’s place.  The movie they watched was absolutely ridiculous and he found himself curled up on the couch in tears over the cheesy lines and the way that Sousuke repeated them in an even cheesier tone.  Rolling off the couch and heading into the kitchen for a drink of water Rin tried to remember the last time he had enjoyed himself this much.  Sadly, even with him finally confessing his feelings to Mako last year, he couldn’t recall the last time he had laughed quite this much.  His phone vibrated in his pocket and he sighed.  Speak of the devil.

[Mako: What are you up to?  Did you get stuck in the rain somewhere?]

[Rin: I’m at Sousuke’s place.]

“Do you have anything good to eat in here?”  He called out, opening the fridge and peeking inside.  “Or do you still suck at cooking?”  The stories they had heard at swim club as kids about Sousuke trying to burn down the kitchen were some of the best memories he had back then.  Sousuke reached past him and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, sliding it across Rin’s neck.

“Yeah I still pretty much suck at it.  There’s no hope for me.”  He laughed as Rin shivered and wiped at the back of his neck with a glare.  “I have a lot of instant crap in my cupboards and freezer.”  Pulling out a handful of meal choices he indicated for Rin to pick one.  “If you’re hungry feel free to eat whatever.”

[Mako: Let me stop by and I’ll walk you home.  I get off work in 20 minutes.]

[Rin: Don’t worry about it.  I can just stay here tonight and walk home in the morning when my clothes are dry.]

“Something wrong?”

“Nothing really.  Just Makoto being Makoto.”  Rin picked out a couple meals and shoved the rest back in the cupboard as Sousuke got them ready.  They plopped back in on the floor in front of the couch and Rin sighed.  He could feel Sousuke’s eyes on him as they waited for the food to cool a little.

[Mako: It’s no big deal.  I’m almost off work anyway.]

[Rin:  It’s no big deal if I stay here tonight.  Sousuke won’t mind.]

“You know if you two are having such a hard time maybe you should break up before you hurt each other.”  Rin’s stomach dropped.  There it was.  The advice no one else wanted to give him.  The advice he didn’t even want to give himself.  Sousuke rushed to finish his thoughts as Rin’s face clouded up.  “I mean.  I just hate seeing you upset all the time you know.  You should be happy when your boyfriend texts you or spends time with you.  But you always seem kind of down about it.  You wanna know what I think?”

“I’m not sure I do.”  

Sousuke leaned against his shoulder and whispered loudly.  “He’s not giving you enough attention.”

“Attention?  I’m not a damn dog or something.”  Rin didn’t want to snap at Sousuke.  He never really wanted to snap at anyone.  But he still sucked with emotions.  Maybe he was just too immature to be in a real relationship.  He grabbed his food and started eating.  Maybe Sousuke was right.  The title screen of the movie they had watched repeated over and over as he unhappily ate.  This had been a good afternoon up until this point.  They had nearly finished their plates when Sousuke finally spoke again.

“Nah you’re more like a cat.”  Rin swallowed slowly and stared at his friend.  A cat?  What the hell?  He licked his lip nervously as Sousuke stared at him.  He had noticed him doing a lot of staring the last few times they had met up.

“Do I have something on my face?”  The doorbell rang and Sousuke set his plate down on the coffee table in front of Rin.  He patted his head and smiled as he headed to the door.

“Nothing but your normal adorable expressions.”  Rin heard a familiar voice when Sousuke answered.  He was pretty sure he knew who it was even before he heard the voice.  Glaring at the table he noticed a chunk of meat on Sousuke’s plate.  It was his favorite part of the meals he picked out for him and he glanced towards the doorway.  It would be kind of wrong of him to take it.  But Sousuke did say he was free to eat whatever and he did just leave it there and it’s not like he told him not to eat it.  He dropped the piece of meat into his mouth and froze when he heard the quiet cough from the doorway.  Eyes wide he slowly faced the door and chewed the meat, swallowing loudly when he was done.  “Rin.”  Sousuke was standing just inside the doorway with his arms crossed and Makoto was just behind him with a sour expression on his face.  “Was that the last piece of meat from my plate?”

“Well you didn’t say I couldn’t eat it.”  Rin muttered as he stood and stretched.  He rinsed off his plate and set it in the sink as Sousuke shook his head.  Makoto was waiting patiently by the door when he stepped out of the kitchen.  “Thanks for the meal.”  He grimaced as he pulled on his still damp shoes.

“Any time.”  Sousuke handed him a bag with his almost dry clothes and ruffled his hair, laughing when Rin swatted at his hand.  “You really are a cat.”  He bent to tie his shoes and missed the look Makoto shot Sousuke.

“Oh.  Thanks for the change of clothes.”  Rin stepped outside and smiled as Makoto opened the umbrella he had brought with.  It wasn’t a big one but Makoto knew Rin liked to huddle under a small umbrella when it was raining.  It was more comfortable to walk in the rain with someone than all alone he had told the larger man when they first started dating.

“No problem.  Return them anytime.  Or keep them.  They look good on you.”  Rin’s face flushed a little as Makoto slipped his arm around his waist and pulled him down the sidewalk with him.  Sousuke’s laugh seemed to follow them out into the rain.


	3. It's A Date

Three weeks.  Three weeks since he had gotten caught in the rain and stuck at Sousuke’s place.  The last three weeks had been, well, interesting.  Sousuke had stopped by with Rin’s t-shirt a couple days after the storm.  Somehow - Rin wasn’t sure he believed Sousuke’s grinning excuse that he accidentally left it out of the bag - it had gotten left behind and washed with Sousuke’s stuff.  When Gou opened the door she had stood there in shock.  She was pretty sure she knew all of Rin’s friends since he didn’t exactly have a ton of them.  But this guy with his kind eyes and soft looking hair and muscles - she could see he was in excellent shape even through the loose t-shirt he was wearing - was someone new to her.

“Gou-kun?”  Rin had watched in amusement as his sister’s eyes had widened as she stared at Sousuke with an even mixture of curiosity and suspicion.

“Yes.  Who are you?”

“Have I really changed that much?  Rin didn’t recognize me at first either.”  A small pout crossed his lips and then he smiled down at her, pointing to himself.  “Yamazaki.  Sousuke?”  She stared at him a moment before recognition filled her face.

“Oh!  Of course!  I should have known it was you.  Rin mentioned you were in town not that long ago.”

One thing had led to another and Sousuke wound up staying for supper that night, much to Makoto’s obvious displeasure when Rin told him the next day.

“If you were free why didn’t you come over to my place?”

“I had just gotten home from your place.  Don’t you remember?”  He knew Makoto remembered.  Makoto didn’t forget things like that.  He also knew that Makoto was being rude to Sousuke and he wasn’t entirely sure why.  It wasn’t as if Sousuke was doing anything to Makoto.  He had been nothing but polite to him from the moment they met.  Granted he had said some slightly harsh things when he and Rin had been alone.  But that had all been Sousuke trying to comfort Rin.  At least that’s what he told himself.

A few days after supper had been the movie.  Rin had originally invited Makoto but he had to cancel at the last minute so Rin had asked Gou if she wanted to go with him.  She had been complaining that he never did anything with her anymore anyway.  Somehow she had conned him into letting her bring her friend, Hana-something-or-other, along.  Not wanting to be stuck alone with his little sister and her friend at the mall all day he had turned to the only person he knew would be free.  Sousuke.

“Ah.  I’m so lucky today.”  Sousuke had announced after being introduced to Gou’s friend.  “I get to spend the afternoon on a date with two beautiful women.”  The two teens had giggled at him, ignoring Rin’s scoffing expression.  They turned to buy two more tickets and Sousuke threw his arm over Rin’s shoulder and pulled him in, whispering in his ear.  “And I get to spend the afternoon on a date with a pretty fine looking man, too.”  

Heat licked his cheeks and he pulled away, hurrying over to his sister and her friend before he combusted on the spot.  Sousuke had a way of teasing him that threw Rin completely off balance.  Feeling his eyes on him he glanced over his shoulder and started at the serious look on Sousuke’s face.  He was just teasing.  Right?

Everything was going smoothly.  The movie was better than he expected it to be, although he still wished Makoto had been able to watch it with him.  They stopped for a quick snack.  The girls had wanted something sweet and Rin decided that it didn’t sound like a horrible idea.  Sousuke insisted on buying everyone’s treat and when he presented Rin with his, bowing dramatically, he spoke just loud enough for Rin to hear.

“A sweet for the sweetest person here today.”  His eyes slowly widened and he snatched the small container away from Sousuke before turning on his heel and heading outside.  His face was probably as red as his hair and he kept his eyes down as he found a bench to sit on.  That had to be the most embarrassing and cheesy line he had ever heard.  A phrase like that was straight from a stupid romance flick or something.  His phone buzzed in his pocket and the took it out.

[Sousuke: Sorry :( ]

[Rin: Whatever.  It’s fine.]

[Sousuke: Your sister and her friend want to do some shopping.  Want me to keep an eye on them?]

[Rin:  Your call.]

He sighed and finished his dessert.  The little cake was pretty good.  He’d have to remember the shop they got it at for future visits.  His phone buzzed again and he glanced at the message.  What was with this guy?

[So what are you up to?]

[I’m sitting outside, obviously.]

[Obviously?  Why are you outside.]

[Because your stupid cheesy compliment embarrassed the hell out of me.  Why else?]

“Hey, Rin.”  Sousuke dropped onto the bench beside him with a smile.  “Your sister and her friend wanted to look at some clothes so I decided it was time to run away.”

“Why did you ask where I was when you already knew?  You’re so weird.”

“What are you talking about?  I never asked you where you were.”  The other man was studying him with a worried expression.  He pressed the back of his hand to Rin’s head, checking for a fever.  “Are you feeling ok?”  His phone buzzed in his pocket once again and he pulled it out with a sense of foreboding.

[Makoto: Rin.  Are you out somewhere with Sousuke again?]

Damn it.  He really needed to pay more attention to who sent him messages when the ringer on his phone was shut off.  He relied on ringtones way too much some days.

[Rin: I asked Gou to the movie and she brought her friend. I didn’t want to be stuck with just the girls all day so I asked Sousuke.]

[Makoto: I see.  I have to get back to work.  We’ll talk later.]

He slipped his phone back into his pocket with a sigh.  He hadn’t done anything wrong.  Makoto was the one who had to back out from the date.  Makoto was the one who told him to go ahead and go with someone else since he already had two tickets.  So why did he feel so guilty?

“What’s wrong?”

“I just feel like one giant cluster of screw ups is all.”

“You’re not a screw up.”  His friend gave him a warm smile and he sighed again.  Seeing that smile he could almost believe that everything was fine.  But deep down he knew that there was something unsettling brewing.

 

Now, two weeks after the movie, he was sitting stiffly on the steps leading down to the beach, watching the others setting up their stuff.  They were all here: Nagisa, Rei, Haru, Gou, Makoto, and even Sousuke.  The sun was warm overhead and Haru was already abandoning helping set up to swim.  He looked at Rin for a moment and nodded towards the water.  Silently challenging and inviting Rin to race him.  He stood up and stretched.  This could be a long day.

 

Water engulfed him and he let it.  His race with Haru had been fun enough and was a good way to relieve some of the stress that had been building.  Smiling as he surfaced he couldn’t help but realize the strangeness of that thought, even now.  He had never imagined that racing Haru would be something he could use to relieve stress.  It had always been something that spurred him on in the past.  A familiar form appeared beside him and he smiled over at it.  Sousuke had agreed to come to the beach and hang out with the rest of the group when Gou insisted Rin invite him earlier that morning.  He had quieted Rin’s concerns about it being okay if he had other plans easily; telling him there was nothing he’d rather do today than spend some time with Rin and getting to know Rin’s new friends better.  Words that would have seemed forced or silly from someone else sounded sincere coming from his lips.

“So you gonna come back to the beach sometime soon?”  Sousuke easily kept pace with him as Rin turned and started to swim away, keeping parallel to the beach.  “Or are you playing hard to get?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your boyfriend has been trying to get your attention for about ten minutes.”  His eyes shot back to shore and he slowed a bit as he spotted Makoto.  Sure enough he was gesturing for Rin to come back.  “I think they want to do some snacks.  Or he just doesn’t want you to be in the water all day and turn into a fish.”

“Haru’s the one who is practically a fish.  I’ll be out soon enough.”  He waved back to Makoto and turned to Sousuke with a grin of sudden inspiration.  “So we racing back or what?”

“Sounds fun.  Do I need to give you a head start or are we good?”  He laughed and splashed a handful of water at Sousuke.

“Excuse me?  If anyone needs a head start I think it’s you.”  Sousuke reached over and slapped a hand on Rin’s head, dunking him.  When he surfaced again he could feel the fire in his body.  It was on.  “First one back under the umbrellas wins.”  They nodded in agreement and took off.  Rin was a bit quicker on the start but Sousuke easily caught up to him.  The long reach and large hands reminded Rin of his past.  They had been such good friends and good rivals.  They had almost been family once upon a time.  Maybe they could even be that close again.  

But right now he had a race to concentrate on.  They managed to hit the beach almost simultaneously, Sousuke only in the lead because his height let him reach the bottom a step or two before Rin, and they took off towards the umbrellas that had been set up.  Muscles strained as their bare feet dug into the sand.  As they crossed into the shade they both collapsed in a heap, breath ragged from their race.  Nagisa cheered and hurried over with a couple cool bottles of water as the others gathered around them.

“So.  Who was first?”  Sousuke panted out, pointing at himself and then at Rin, who had landed with his head on Sousuke’s arm.  “Me?  Or the guy sweating all over my arm?”  He scrambled to sit up, the flush on his cheeks not entirely caused by his race when he noticed Makoto watching them.  “It’s okay, Rin.”  Sousuke grinned at him as he stood up and brushed the sand from his legs.  “You can sweat on me anytime.”

“Gross.”  He muttered, cheeks still red at the teasing tone.

“I think it was a tie.”  Gou announced.  She handed them both a towel from her bag.  “At least it looked like it from here.”  A warm arm dropped across his shoulder and he could see Sousuke grinning from the corner of his eye.

“We’ll just have to race again sometime.  Right, Rin?  Racing you is always fun.”  Sousuke clapped him on the shoulder and then wandered off to help Rei and Nagisa set out their food.  Makoto stepped up next to him and slipped a possessive arm around his waist.

“Having a good time?”  The green eyes staring down at him appeared calm but he could see irritation brewing in them as he smiled up at his boyfriend.  He didn’t like the slight hint of satisfaction that slipped it’s way across his heart at the thought of Makoto finally being the one who was irritated.  Rin never thought himself to be that petty.

“Surprisingly I am.  I wasn’t sure how well everyone would get along with Sousuke.  I’m glad everyone seems to like him.”  Makoto followed his gaze and watched as Sousuke leaned down to whisper something to Nagisa, causing Rei to scold them both.  He didn’t miss the fond smile on Rin’s face or the way he chuckled quietly as Sousuke pointed a popsicle at Rei threateningly.  Makoto let out a sigh and glanced down the beach, watching the water lap against the sand.  Rin looked at him curiously.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.  I’m just kind of tired is all.”

“You know you didn’t have to be here if you were tired or had other plans.  Gou and Nagisa kind of sprung this on everyone.”  In fact Rin himself had been tempted to say no until Gou told him that everyone else was already going to be there.  It wasn’t often they all got to get together these days and he had been missing his friends a bit.  Makoto shrugged and they walked over to where Sousuke, Nagisa, and Rei had set up the coolers and snacks.  When he noticed Sousuke eyeing Makoto’s arm around his waist he realized it had been awhile since they had gone anywhere and touched so casually.  It never really bothered him too much, touching in public like this, but Makoto had always felt kind of awkward doing it with him.  Maybe he was finally relaxing a little.  Maybe today would be better than he had thought.

Or maybe he was wrong.

It was going perfectly well until Haru finally appeared, still dripping from the water, and Makoto had dropped his arm from Rin to dig through the bag near the coolers for a towel for him.  Even though the bag was practically at Haru’s feet and he was completely capable of getting it for himself.  Rin rolled his eyes at the gesture but was used enough to it that he could easily bite back the sarcastic comment - something about Makoto being Haru’s damn mother - without hesitation.  Makoto was focused on Haru, telling him to dry his hair, so Rin turned and dug into the cooler for some kind of treat.  He didn’t know what he wanted but he thought he had seen a few more popsicles or something in there earlier.  The warm hand around his wrist startled him into letting out a yelp and he was suddenly seated between Rei and Sousuke on the sand.  Coldness pressed against his cheek.

“Here.  It’s the other half of the one I pulled out.”  Sousuke carefully handed him the treat and then leaned around him to finish whatever conversation he was having with Rei.  He leaned back on his elbows and enjoyed the coldness numbing his tongue.  Numb was good sometimes.

It was almost dark before things really heated up.  Everyone had decided that their day at the beach was going to turn into a night there as well.  Gou had wandered off to use the bathroom while Nagisa and Haru headed back into town to pick up some more supplies.  They had only been gone a few minutes when Makoto had called out to Sousuke.  He had still been sitting with Rei and Rin, chatting about the exhibits at a nearby zoo they had all been thinking about visiting.

“What do you suppose they’re talking about?”  He had sat up when Makoto called out and now Rin watched them curiously.  When Rei let out a humorless laugh he turned.  “What?”

“Are you really that dense, Rin?  Or are you intentionally playing stupid?  Maybe you’re playing hard to get?”  The last phrase stuck in his head and he felt that sense of foreboding brewing in his stomach again.  Licking his suddenly dry lips he focused on Rei.  Of all his friends Rei would be the one least likely to sugar coat things for him.

“What do you mean?  What am I missing?”  He couldn’t help but wince a little at the - was that pity? - tone of Rei’s voice.

“Oh, Rin.”


	4. Beach Time - Rin & Rei

“What’s with that?”  He asked as he turned away from watching Sousuke and Makoto.  The tone of Rei’s voice plus the look on his face implied that Rin was being completely stupid.  It wasn’t a tone that was all that new to him coming from Rei.  It just wasn’t something he had heard lately and he usually at least had an idea why Rei was treating him like an idiot.  Today not so much.

“What’s with what?”

“That ‘oh Rin you’re such an idiot’ voice you have going on.  What am I missing?”  He could see Rei studying him, eyes wide behind his glasses, and he shifted uncomfortably but couldn’t look away.  There was always something about this guy that made him feel like a kid being watched by a protective parent.  It wasn’t a bad feeling.  Just a little unsettling sometimes.

“You’re really not doing it on purpose?  Looks like I was right.”

“You’re right about a lot of things, Megane.  Now get to the point.”  He hadn’t meant to use the nickname.  He didn’t like using it.  It was a reminder of how close he had come to screwing everything up.  It was something he only slipped into a conversation a few times since they had gotten to know each other better.  Once when he had caught a nasty stomach flu, a couple times when he had worked himself near exhaustion and Rei had been lecturing him, and once when he had just been pissed off at everything.  And now.  He felt like the sand was slipping out from under him into a dark hole and he took a deep breath.  Smiling carefully he apologized.

Rei knew that the nickname upset Rin more than himself and he easily forgave him, picking up the conversation again.  “Well.  I’ll just come right out and say it.  Sousuke appears interested in you as more than a friend and Makoto is not taking it well.”  If the situation hadn’t been so tense Rei would have laughed at the stunned look on the red head’s face.  A nervous chuckled slipped through Rin’s lips as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sou-” he cleared his throat and glanced from where the other two were talking and back to Rei, “Sousuke what?  Don’t tell such a ridiculous lie.”

“Why would I lie to you about this?  I could see if it were Nagisa telling you this why you might believe it to be false.  He does have a flare for the dramatic and he likes to stir things up.  But, honestly Rin.  This is me telling you that Sousuke appears to like you as more than a friend.”

“But.  I don’t get.  How.  How do you even know that?”  It hadn’t been his intention to break Rin’s mind with that simple fact.  But apparently he had.  He sighed as he caught Sousuke patting Makoto’s shoulder out of the corner of his eye.  Things could turn messy fast so he needed to do his best to get through to Rin.  Pretty much right now he decided as Makoto wrapped his fingers around Sousuke’s wrist and tightened his grip.

“Well the most obvious way.  He told me.  When he and Nagisa and I were talking after your race.  But he only told because Nagisa asked.  He said he really did care a lot about you and that he was worried because things seemed to be rocky between you and Makoto but that he’d never try to get between you guys.  He said that he just wants to see you happy.  We’ve been noticing a lot of tension between you and Makoto and Nagisa wondered if Sousuke knew anything about it.  So there it is.  And I’m guessing Makoto knows how Sousuke feels and he definitely doesn’t like it.”

“What’s the big deal anyway?  Just because he pays attention to me once in awhile and hangs out with me?  Not like Makoto has any room to talk.  He’s always with Haru.  Making sure he’s getting to classes on time.  Spending weekends with him.  Cancelling our dates because Haru doesn’t answer his texts.”  Rin let out a groan and flopped onto his back.  Why did things always have to turn out so complicated?  “Do you know that the first time Sousuke met Mako and Haru he thought they were going out?”  He rolled out from under the umbrella and looked up at the sky.  The stars were almost ready to come out and for some reason he wished they wouldn’t, that time would just stop right now and never start again.

“Rin?”

“You know we’re going out and I still feel like I’m just an outsider.  I thought that once he accepted my feelings and said he felt the same way that maybe things would change a little.  That we could be even closer.  But I’ll never be able to compete with Haru, will I?”  The bitterness in his voice was surprising to him.  “Maybe I should just give up on him.  What do you think?”

Rei swallowed hard at Rin’s words.  At the loneliness he was sure the other man didn’t even realize showed.  Of course he wanted his friend to be happy.  But he wanted all his friends to be happy.  He’d seen the way Mako would watch Rin when he wasn’t looking; when he was sure no one was looking.  He’d seen the longing and insecurity on Makoto’s face when Rin would turn to someone else and laugh or when he’d get a text saying Rin was busy with work.

“It’s just that, to Makoto, Haru is familiar.  He understands him.  He knows what to expect.”  Rin turned to him with a curious expression and he continued.  Someone had to knock some sense into these guys before they ruined it all themselves.  “But you’re new.  He knows you, of course.  But it’s almost as if he’s not sure what to do with you.  How to handle you.  He’s afraid of ruining everything so he turns to what he knows.”

“Haru.”

“Yeah.  Have you told him any of this stuff?”  He rubbed at his forehead and glanced over to where Makoto and Sousuke were talking.  “About you feeling out of place and all that?”

“No.”

“Rin.”

He found himself defending his reasons as he stood and shook the sand off.  “Look it’s awkward.  I mean, how would you feel if the only time your boyfriend paid attention to you was when you were hanging with someone else?  This whole situation is weird.  It puts me on edge just thinking about it, okay?”  Makoto and Sousuke were heading towards them and he could hear Nagisa coming back down the beach.  “Can we just drop it?”

“We can but I don’t think it’s ending here.”  Rin glanced at Rei and then followed his gaze to Makoto and Sousuke.  He could almost see the tension radiating off of them as they reached the umbrellas.


	5. Beach Time - Makoto & Sousuke

“What did you want to talk about?”  Sousuke smiled at him and part of him almost wanted to smile back.  If it wasn’t so obvious what he was doing he thought they could have maybe actually been friends.  But if he kept this up, that wasn’t going to be possible.

“Cut the small talk please.  I know what you’re doing.”  The smile immediately dropped from Sousuke’s face and he shifted back on his heels, studying Makoto.  Sousuke glanced over to where Rin and Rei were settled under the umbrellas.

“Is that so?  And what am I doing?”

“Trying to steal Rin away.”

“Oh?  Really?”

“Yes.  Just stop it.”

“Why should I?”

“Maybe because Rin’s my boyfriend?”

“Is he really?  Because from the way I see it it seems more like Haru’s your boyfriend and Rin’s just some friend you’re dragging around and being overprotective of.”

“You’re just some old friend he’d completely forgotten about until you shoved your way into his life one day.  Why should he even bother with you?”

"I'm some old friend who shoved my way into his life? What about you? The way I heard it you basically shoved your way into his under the pretense of swimming.  At least I've always made an effort to pay attention to Rin the person not just Rin the swimmer.”  Sousuke glanced to the side and gave Makoto a wry grin.  “Oh but wait.  You weren't even the person who got through were you?"  Makoto looked over to where Rin and Rei were talking and felt his stomach clench.  

He wasn’t mad at Rei.  He could never be mad at the person who had gotten through to Rin.  But the jealousy surged up anyway and he met Sousuke’s eyes again.  He had known that Rin had talked to his old friend about a lot of things since he had come back.  But he didn’t realize just how much Sousuke knew.

“Look just back off, okay?”

“Why?  What are you so worried about?  Maybe because I actually pay attention to him?  I make him laugh.  I make him smile.  He doesn’t feel like an awkward third wheel around me.  Are you afraid he’s finally going to realize how crappy you’re treating him?”  Sousuke reached out and patted his shoulder and Makoto could feel the fire licking his stomach.  As if the tone of voice this guy was using wasn’t demeaning enough now he was patting his shoulder like he was some little kid.  It took every ounce of control he had to not overreact as he slowly reached up and wrapped his fingers around Sousuke’s wrist.  Hard enough to get across the point he didn’t appreciate being touched but not enough to actually hurt him - and nowhere near hard enough to satisfy the irritation coursing through his veins.  “You know if you actually cared about him anywhere near how he cares about you I wouldn’t even have to be in this equation.”

“Are you trying to say I don’t care about Rin?”

“Well I’m certainly not saying that he’s the most important person to you.”  He let go of Sousuke’s wrist and turned away, heading back towards Rin and Rei.  What did he know anyway?  Of course Rin was the most important person to him.  They were going out after all.  

The irritation balled in his stomach as Nagisa and Haru reached the umbrellas and Rin turned to them and laughed at something Nagisa was saying.  Sousuke leaned in and dropped an arm over Rin’s shoulder to peek inside the bag Haru held out.  Rin’s eyes met Makoto’s for just a moment when he stepped forward as well.  The look in Rin’s eyes twisted his gut.

They were going out after all, weren’t they?

He repeated that very question to Rin as they relaxed at his place the next morning.  The rest of the night had gone along well enough despite Sousuke and him barely speaking to each other and Rin had walked home with him.  His parents and the twins were away for the weekend and the house was quiet as he waited for Rin to answer.  He didn’t expect a love filled declaration of their commitment to each other but neither did he expect the look of hurt that slipped onto Rin’s face before he hid it behind a mask of indifference.

“Are we?”


	6. Aren't I The One?

“R-Rin?”  Worry and pain seeped into Makoto’s face and Rin had to force himself not to look away.  Maybe Rei was right.  Maybe he needed to get this all out in the open.  He knew Rei never actually said it out loud but Rei had a tendency to do a lot of talking without actually saying the words when he and Rin were together.  “This isn’t a very funny joke, Rin.”  Makoto looked away for a moment.

“I’m not joking, Makoto.  I mean.  Seriously.  Can what we do even be considered dating?  Do we even have a serious relationship?”  Unable to sit still he hopped to his feet and paced the length of Makoto’s bedroom.  He was trying his hardest to not snap.  The anger and yelling he wanted to give in to wouldn’t help anything right now.  Even if it would make him feel a lot better.

The larger teen sat on the edge of his bed and watched him carefully.  He felt the intensity of Makoto's gaze and wanted to cave in; to just tell Makoto what he wanted to hear.  Yes they were dating.  Yes everything was okay between them.  Those eyes did things to him, they always had.  

It had been far too long since he had Makoto’s full attention.  Too bad it was under such painful circumstances.  

“I mean.  We barely see each other.  You spend almost all your free time with Haru.  Hell even when you’re with me half the time Haru’s with us and a quarter of the rest of the time you’re worrying about him.”  Swiping at the corner of his eyes at the tears he could feel trying to form he took a steadying breath.  Now that he started talking he just couldn’t shut up; he knew if he stopped now he might never actually have the courage to bring this all up again.  To say what he had really been feeling these last weeks.

“Rin.”

“You might as well just be his boyfriend as much as you’re with him.”  

“What?”  

He rushed on, barely hearing Makoto or seeing the shock registering on his face.  “I mean I’m just an outsider with you two.  I feel like it’s you and Haru and then you just kind of drag me along out of, I dunno, maybe pity or something.  All I know it that it’s awkward and weird.”  God this was so much harder to tell to Makoto than it was to Rei.  

Because baring his heart to Mako like this upped the stakes.  

“I hate the fact that the only time you seem to care about me is when other people are paying attention to me.  Do you even care about me?”

They had never done too much talking about how exactly they felt about each other.  Rin had always just assumed Makoto felt pretty much the same way about Rin as he did about Makoto and that was that. So, given his normal crappy grasp on his emotions, this whole relationship and talking about what was happening was totally out of his league.  This conversation wasn’t just venting to an outside observer.  He was really putting himself out there with this.

“Did Sousuke tell you to say this stuff?  Have you been talking to him?”

Caught off guard he stopped pacing to look at Makoto, his confusion evident.  “You know I’ve been talking to him, he’s my friend.  But what ‘stuff’?  What are you talking about?”  Here he was dragging his thoughts and feelings and worries out into the open for Makoto to see and he was bringing up Sousuke?  Someone that really had nothing to do with them or this gap between them.  He studied Makoto’s face, hoping to gain some clue as to what he was thinking.  The coldness in his tone when he spoke surprised Rin.

“I’m not going to let him steal you away.”  That was not what he had expected to hear.  Mako had been many things since Rin had blundered his way through his confession - gentle, loving, flustered, distracted - but possessive wasn’t one of them.  He took a moment to turn Mako’s words over in his head.  

He never would have imagined Makoto had it in him to be possessive.  It wasn’t something he minded though.  The thought of Mako being possessive actually sent a sliver of happiness through him but it was dwarfed by the frustration that it had taken Sousuke wanting to be friends again to even get Makoto to pay attention to him.  He tried to choose his words carefully but his patience was running out.

“Steal me?  No one’s stealing me Makoto.  Hell to be honest I’m not even sure I’m yours to steal.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Shit.  Have you been even listening?  Do I really have to repeat myself to get through to you?”  Controlling his temper had never been one of his strong points and he could feel the strain of the last month and the current conversation eating away what little hold he had left on it.  A frustrated sigh filled the room as Makoto continued to watch him.  “You’re always with Haru.  You make sure he gets up for classes.  You spend almost every waking minute with him if you’re not at home or work.”  Pacing had done nothing to help ease his frustration.  

It was hard to keep his voice down when all he wanted to do was yell.  At Makoto for being so dense and so stuck on Haru and at himself for not being able to make Makoto understand.  

“You cancelled our movie date because Haru had a cold.  A cold.  A simple stupid little sniffle and you cancelled our date that apparently I was the only one looking forward to.  Then you get all grouchy with me when I spend the day with my sister and her friend and Sousuke.”  Makoto flinched at the mention of Rin’s friend and a coldness entered his eyes.  Rin frowned and continued.  “Listen, Mako.  I know my feelings.  No matter what you think there might be between Sousuke and I we’re friends.  That’s it.”   Rin almost flinched when Makoto stood up with a sound of disgust.  It was rare to see Makoto’s temper flare and when it did it reminded Rin just how much larger the other man was than him.

“Sousuke.  Sousuke.  Sousuke.  That’s all I hear about from you anymore.”

Sarcasm he did nothing to hold back this time dripped from his voice.  “Oh.  Gee.  Sound familiar?  Cause all I ever hear is Haru.  Haru.  Haru.”  He felt his voice cracking, even through the sarcasm, and he swallowed hard.  He was not going to break down in front of Makoto.  Not right now.  Not when the big idiot couldn’t even understand what was so maddening about the situation.  Fuck just what would it take to get through to him?  What did he have to do to make Makoto understand?

“You know if you two are having such a hard time maybe you should break up before you hurt each other.”  

Numb fingers curled into fists as Makoto watched him carefully.  Damn it.  Why did he have to remember that conversation now?  Why did it have to suddenly make so much sense?  A cold surety swept through him as he weighed his options.  Was this really the only choice available to him right now?  He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as a weight settled in his chest and he debated his next words.  He was suddenly very, very tired.

“You know what?  This whole thing is just so exhausting.  Why don’t we just call it quits for awhile.”  Dread spread across Makoto’s face and Rin had to look away.

“Rin?”  Mako’s voice was low and cautious, like the one Rin heard him using when he talked to the wilder stray cats in the area.  “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t do this whole constantly being jealous of Haru and being second best in your book, okay?  I’m the one you’re supposed to be going out with, aren’t I?  So why?”  Expressions flitted across Makoto’s face, almost too fast to register and he sighed.  “I’m just so tired of it all.  I put you first all the time but most days I don’t even know if I’m even in your thoughts at all.  This obviously isn’t working for us.  Let’s just.”  His voice cracked again and he looked everywhere but Makoto as his eyes teared up.  “Let’s take a break.”

“A break from what?”

“From us.  Being together.  Dating, if that’s what we’re doing.  Whatever you wanna call it.”  He was slipping on his shoes before he even realized he had left Makoto’s room.  Confusion pressed at his back as Makoto watched from the hallway and he couldn’t keep the defeat from his voice.  “If you figure out what it is you really want give me a call, okay?”

* * *

 

Sunlight glared through the window and made it hard to read his phone’s screen from his position on the bed.  The covers were bunched at the end and he absently wiggled his foot under them.  Aiichiro would be back from classes soon and then they were going to go out and get some food.  After some prodding and pouting on Aiichiro’s part Rin had finally spilled everything.  Everything from Makoto ignoring him for Haru to Sousuke’s return right up to the conversation with Mako that morning.  A few quiet moments filled the room after he finished with a lame “So now I’m back here.”  Then his roommate had launched himself at Rin, wrapping him in a hug and for the first time in what felt like ages Rin let himself cry.

“It just sucks, you know?”  Rin had finally stopped crying and was staring blankly at the ceiling.  “I don’t mind him being all possessive and stuff.  It’s actually kind of nice knowing he’s that intense about me.  I just hate that the only reason he’s paid me any attention in the last few months is because Sousuke has been in the picture.  I know I really should have mentioned it sooner but what was I supposed to say?”  Ai had been listening to everything Rin had said without comment.  Now he finally spoke.

“So you’re saying that you feel like the only reason Tachibana is paying attention to you now is because he’s afraid of you being taken away by Yamazaki.  Like now that he’s afraid of you getting feelings for Yamazaki he wants to monopolize you?  Does that sound right?”

“Yeah.  And it’s dumb because it’s not Sousuke that I love.  It’s Mako.  It’s always been Mako.  Sousuke’s a friend and no matter how much he may like me I don’t feel for him that way.  I like the attention but after seeing your boyfriend fawning all over his best friend for so long who wouldn’t like the attention?”  Ai had just watched him for a few minutes before tugging him off the bed and down to the cafeteria for some food.

  
Studying his phone he sighed.  Two new messages, both from his sister.  Almost two weeks now and he still hasn’t heard from Makoto.  Maybe he never will.  The thought left a knot in his stomach and he was glad when the door opened and Ai rushed in, a whirlwind of easy smiles and chatter.  At least spending time with Ai was helping to keep him from rotting away in his own thoughts and tears and he figured Makoto was too busy doting on Haru to even notice Rin's absence in his life.


	7. Beware the Baby Shark

When Rin had shut the door behind him Makoto had only been able to look on in shock and confusion, his thoughts rushing and whirling about.  Had Rin just broken up with him?  But wait.  No.  He had said take a break not break up.  So what did that mean?  What was Makoto supposed to do now?  What was Rin even talking about?  Of course he was important to him.  He never would have agreed to go out with him if he didn't care about him.  

Sitting on his bed he spent the afternoon replaying their conversation over and over in his head.  Trying to dissect it and inspect every word.  But he was having trouble.  Everytime he heard Rin's voice saying Sousuke's name his mind went blank for a few moments and he saw red.  What was it about Sousuke that got to him so badly?

He asked Haru that very question after telling him about what happened later that night when they were relaxing in his room after supper.  Haru stared at him with an unreadable gaze and he blinked back in surprise.  It had been a long time since Haru had kept his thoughts veiled from him.  Haru shook his head and stood up, heading for the door.  When Makoto had asked him why he was leaving Haru sighed.

“I still have some homework to finish.”  He straightened from tying his shoes and looked at Makoto, debating his next words.  “Look you know you’re important to me which is why I’m bothering to tell you this.  You need to focus more on Rin.”

“What do you mean?  I do focus on him.”  Haru had stepped out and started for his house already, Makoto quickly following suit and he sighed.  He had never known Makoto to be so slow about feelings.  Slow to act on them, sure.  But not to notice them.  Being in love with Rin was obviously messing with Makoto’s mind.

“You need to stop focusing so much on me.  Like right now.  You’ve already walked me home.  When was the last time you even walked Rin to the station?”

“Well he always says I don’t have to.”

“So do I.  So why do you do it?”

“When you leave I walk you home.  That’s how it always is.”

“Stop focusing so much of your attention on me.  I can walk myself home.  I can get up for classes.  I can get my own towels and my own food and everything.  I have been able to take care of myself for awhile you know?”  Makoto looked at him in slight confusion.  Of course he knew Haru could do those things.  But Haru never did them if Makoto wasn’t reminding him to, right?  Haru needed Makoto to remind him otherwise he’d just sleep all day and eat the same thing all the time.  Haru needed him.  The guy in question gave him a small smile.  “Don’t worry about me.  You need to focus on Rin.  Think about it and you’ll probably get why Sousuke bothers you so much.”  Makoto started to protest something but Haru opened his door and shook his head.  “You want to be with Rin and be happy, right?  So trust me to take care of myself and pay attention to him instead.  He’s kind of like those cats you like so much.  They’ll whine and whine until the person they want gives them the attention they need.”  He left Makoto standing outside staring at the door.  He just hoped that Makoto would figure it out soon.

 

Staring at the shifting patterns on his ceiling Makoto realized he was exhausted.  These last two weeks had been rough.  He had spent as much of his free time as he could thinking about his situation.  There was plenty of it too since Haru was keeping his distance and Rin hadn’t even sent a text since that day.  Makoto had started a dozen texts or more to Rin but had deleted each one, word by word, instead of sending them.  What was he supposed to say when he still didn’t quite understand what had gone wrong in the first place?

The phone in his palm buzzed and he jumped.  It was the first time it had gone off in over three days and he eagerly read the message.

[Kou: We need to talk.  Now.]

This was not the Matsuoka sibling he had been hoping to hear from.  Nevertheless he responded and was soon on his way to meet her.  The park was quiet and when Kou approached him and he felt a touch of apprehension slither across his neck.  Maybe agreeing to meet her so readily wasn’t such a wise choice, given what happened between Rin and himself.  

She stood in front of his spot on the bench, arms crossed, and he berated himself for not thinking this through.  It wasn’t all that strange to be meeting at the park instead of at school or something.  He figured that she just wanted a little more private setting to discuss whatever she had on her mind.  But seeing the killer look in her eyes he wondered if maybe she had something other than just talking in mind.  He had been realizing a lot lately that for all the thinking he did he apparently wasn’t thinking about things properly.  After looking out over the park for a moment she spoke.

“Are you trying to ruin everything?”  He blinked up at her in confusion.  It had become a fairly regular feeling these days.  He couldn’t remember the last time he hadn’t been either confused or frustrated.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”  The placating smile he tried to give her died off when she narrowed her eyes at him.

“My brother has been a depressed mess since the last time you talked with him.  I hope you’re happy.”

“Of course I’m not happy.  Do I look happy?”  She studied him and he was sure she saw the bags under his eyes.  The way he couldn’t keep his hands still.  The way he tried to curl up inside himself.  “Rin hasn’t contacted me at all since then.  I don’t have the slightest clue what I’d say even if he did.  Haru is keeping his distance for whatever reason.  Even Rei and Nagisa have pulled away from me.”

Kou dropped onto the bench next to him with a disapproving huff.  “That’s because we all think you’re being an idiot and we’re trying to give you space to think.  But obviously it’s not helping.”  So that was it.  He should have figured it was something like that.  Not that it really mattered anymore.

“Maybe I am an idiot because I still don’t entirely get it.”

“Really?  You don’t understand why my brother’s so upset with you?”

“Well.  No?  A little I guess.  I dunno.”  Bits of their last conversation drifted through his thoughts as Kou waited on the bench beside him in silence.  After a couple minutes he sighed.  “I mean yeah I guess I focus on Haru a lot sometimes but I always have.  Haru is basically family.  I treat Ren and Ran the same way.”

“And Rin?”  He winced.  It was a simple enough question and the fact that he hesitated made him want to crawl into a hole.

“Rin is special.”  Watching the ground between his feet he tried to find a way to explain it to her.  “I never really know what I should do with him.”

“Have you tried just talking to him?”

“What am I supposed to say, Kou?  ‘Sorry I’m so afraid of screwing up things with you because you’re so important to me that I screwed up anyway?’  Do you really think it’ll be that simple?”

“Well an apology would be a good place to start.  ‘Sorry I’m a big idiot and practically ignored you for the last month’ you know, that sort of thing.”

“And then what?”

“Make it work.  Make him happy.”  His voice was barely a whisper when he finally responded.  As if giving the thoughts any more volume would cause the world to come crashing to a halt.

“And what if I can’t make him happy?”  There was a buzz as her phone went off in her pocket and she checked the message before sending a reply and looking over at him.

“Then I’ll give him to Sousuke.”  His heart stopped for a moment and he snapped his eyes up to meet hers.  A harshness had entered her gaze and it made him wary.  

“W-What?”

“Look.  I don’t want to be mean and I do truly want you to be happy, Makoto.  But above all I want my brother to be happy.  I know he wants to be with you,” she paused for a breath and tilted her gaze to the sky, “but if you can’t make him happy then I’ll encourage him to be with someone who does.  And obviously Sousuke does.  When was the last time you made Rin smile like this?”  She flipped her phone around and Makoto felt his stomach drop.  Rin was sitting in his dorm room and had his arm around Sousuke’s shoulder.  They were both flushed from laughter and still had grins on their faces.  Sousuke was wearing a Samezuka jacket and they both looked so good together.  So happy.  

He really could lose Rin.

The realization hit him square in the chest and he stopped breathing for a moment as more realizations came flooding into his mind.  It scared him.  

He had been keeping Rin away from him by focusing on Haru because he was afraid of Rin.  Of what he did to him.  What he made him feel.  He was afraid of losing him.  There had never been anything he wanted to hold so close to him before and he was afraid of breaking it.  He was so scared of losing what he had with Rin that instead of inspecting the relationship and talking to Rin when he began feeling insecure he had run away and fallen back onto what he knew, what was safe: taking care of Haru.

“I am an idiot.”  Kou gave him an appraising look before glancing back at the picture on her phone with a soft smile.

“Do you finally get it?”

“Where’s Rin at?  Samezuka still?”

“As far as I know.  I think he’s hanging out there with Nitori, Mikoshiba, and Sousuke today.”

“Good.”

“Makoto.  You better make my Onii-chan happy.  Or else.”  A cold finger traced his spine and he shivered as he stood.  “Remember.  I know where you live.  Better yet I know where you swim.”  One perfectly angled eyebrow raised and she watched as he swallowed hard before hurrying towards the nearest station.  Maybe if he was lucky things could still work out.


	8. I'm In Love With An Idiot

Two pairs of eyes glared at him.  The sharp golden gaze of Samezuka’s former captain and the cold blue gaze of Rin’s roommate were locked on him.  He had been getting glared at a lot lately.  Not that he could blame any of them.  But it was still frustrating.  It’s not like he wasn’t hurting or anything.  

The entire trip here had been spent mentally berating himself for all the stupid stuff he had done the last couple months.  He had been enveloped in jealousy and frustration practically since the moment Sousuke had reappeared as part of Rin’s life.  It was like every fear he had ever had about being in a relationship had come true.  Every worry about someone making Rin happier and taking him away.  Every insecurity about not being good enough for him.  Every single raw spot had been targeted and hit with expert precision.

“-you know that Rin-senpai can get really insecure and you still treat Nanase-san like he’s your boyfriend.”  Coming back out of his thoughts he tried to focus onto what Nitori was saying.  “Senpai’s supposed to be special.”  

“Damn it he is!”  Nitori flinched back and Mikoshiba put a comforting hand on his shoulder.  Makoto ran a weary hand through his hair and sighed.  “Sorry for shouting.  I just… You know, everyone keeps telling me that Rin is supposed to be special as if I don’t already know it.  Believe me I do.”

“You know.  I was pretty surprised when Aiichiro told me you two were going out.  With you being so close to Nanase and all.  But Rin was creepily infectiously happy so that was it.”  Mikoshiba leaned forward a little and tapped Makoto on the shoulder.  “So you gonna make him that happy again?  Or do we have to have a talk, captain to captain?”

Rin pressed his ear to the door, Sousuke scooting next to him and doing the same.  When Gou had texted him to let him know Makoto was coming Mikoshiba - who was only here because Ai had told him what was happening and he had insisted on coming back to Samezuka for the day - had stationed himself outside the dorm room with Ai.

“Man you have some awesome friends.”  Sousuke had chuckled when Mikoshiba had hurried through the door that morning, eager to help his former teammate.  Rin had agreed but even spending so much time with his friends, laughing at the silly stories Sousuke and Mikoshiba had been telling, couldn’t completely raise his feelings.  

He missed Makoto.  It was that simple.  He missed the way Makoto’s hands were so much bigger than his own.  The way his eyes scrunched when he smiled and the way his cheeks reddened when Rin teased him.  He missed the sound of his voice reading the twins a bedtime story while Rin was studying in Makoto’s bedroom.  The way he adjusted his glasses when he was concentrating particularly intensely during a video game.  When he heard Makoto yell outside the door he and Sousuke had exchanged a look and immediately leaned against it.  Had he ever heard Makoto swear before?  Even as low-key of a curse as ‘damn’ was?

“Aw you’re special to him.  See I was right.”  Sousuke whispered and Rin slapped his hand over the other’s mouth, intent on hearing what was being said.

“Look I screwed it up.  A lot.  But the thing is.  Um.  Why am I telling this to you and not Rin?  Can you just let me see him if he’s in there?”  Rin heard Mikoshiba lean against the door before he answered, securing the entrance.

“Sorry but no one gets in unless they give us a good reason.”

“I’m his boyfriend.  Isn’t that a good enough reason?”

“Rin said you guys were taking a break.”

“I’m still his boyfriend until he stands in front of me and tells me we’re through.”

“Well, that is a good reason but not quite enough.”

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”  Mikoshiba let out a soft chuckle and Rin could picture that annoying half grin of his and he rolled his eyes.

“Well, a little bit, yes.  You know.  I haven’t spent a lot of time with the guy but I already know that Sousuke’s not the kind of person to try and steal someone’s boyfriend out from under them.  If he doesn’t see his friend happy of course he’ll want to try and do something to change that.  The point is he just wants Rin to be happy.”  Frustration and maybe a touch of desperation tinged Makoto’s voice as he struggled not to yell in the dorm hallway.

“Shit.  I know!  Everyone wants Rin to be happy.  I want Rin to be happy more than anyone, believe me.  That’s why this is so hard.  I just want to make him happy but I don’t know what to do.  So I either push him away or I pull him too close and either way I just panic.”  Makoto must have looked really desperate or flustered or something because Mikoshiba’s voice was suddenly soft, not that Makoto seemed to hear him.

“I get it.”

“I just want to cherish him and give him the happiness he deserves but I’m scared you know.”

“Scared?”  Aiichiro spoke up finally and Rin wondered why it was that that had caught his attention.  His face bloomed red as Makoto’s words drifted through the door.

“Yeah.  I’m scared I’ll screw it up even worse than I already have.  Scared that he’ll realize that I’m not that great and he could do so much better.  Scared that the person that’s the most important to me will realize I have no idea how to handle him so I don’t break everything we have and he’ll want to leave.  It scares me how much I want him to be happy and how much I want to be the one to make him happy.  I am absolutely terrified of being in love with him.  But if it’s him I’ll handle it.”  The door pushed open, sending Rin and Sousuke onto the floor in a surprised tangle of limbs.

“Sousuke, how bout you and Aiichiro walk me to the station.  I think my job here is done.”  Mikoshiba held out a hand to Sousuke and pulled him to his feet, waiting for him to slip his shoes on.  “Remember, if I need to I can come back for that captain to captain chat anytime.”  His eyes held a promise of something vaguely sinister and Rin shivered a little, glad that those gold eyes were pointed at someone else.  The door swung shut and silence filled the room.  Rin shuffled to his feet and suddenly found the ceiling to be incredibly fascinating.  There were cobwebs in the corner.  He’d have to be sure to remind Ai to clean properly the next time he saw him.

“Did you, uh, hear all that?”  Makoto was watching him.  That intense green gaze was focused completely on him as he waved towards the door.  “That whole mess of a conversation?”

“You mean did I hear you confess that you love me and it scares the crap out of you?  Yeah.”  The groan that came from Makoto was adorable and Rin couldn't help but smile when he covered his face with his hands, mumbling an apology.

“I’m such an idiot.  I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, I’m in love with an idiot.  So I think it’s ok.”  The hands dropped and Rin found himself once again caught in Makoto’s gaze.

“You’re in love with me?  Still?  After all the crap I just pulled?”  Laughter startled them both and it took Rin a moment to realize it was his own.  He clapped his hands over his lips in an attempt to stifle the noise.  He didn’t even know why he was laughing.  But judging by the amused smile on Makoto’s face it was okay.  When he could talk without giggling he finally answered.

“Yeah.  I am.  You’re the only one for me.”

 

* * *

 

“So I was wondering something.”  Rin asked as they walked hand-in-hand to the station later that night.  “How come Mikoshiba’s glare didn’t faze you at all?”  Makoto squeezed his hand and let out a quiet laugh.  "I mean, he can even intimidate me once in awhile."

“Oh, that?  Your sister is much more frightening than he is.  In fact I’m not sure I’ll be able to swim for a while without looking over my shoulder.”  Rin didn’t get it, but that was ok.  Because right now Makoto was looking at him.  Watching him.  Loving him.

 


End file.
